her

there’s something about you
carrying me touching me to the deepest levels of my soul
at least that’s what I believe
and it might be only me
since you are so hard to get a read on
so ambiguous so intensely present yet so far and fluid and impersonal at the same time you seem to merge with my eyes and my inner self
I am confused
by the intensity of my emotions which I’ve always controlled so perfectly well - like teflon
though I love how much I am surprised by how deep you took me you threw me out my lines of my routines of my strict inner corset sometimes - despite my joy of living - maybe a sign of my true scarcity, emotionally
I was desperate to see you at least from the distance long before I myself had even realized that I had noticed you at all
my head wouldn’t allow this thoughts while my heart had long been ahead of this and was aware of the new directions very well
The pull in my belly, in my abdomen, the short holding of breath, the inability to concentrate when you enter the room, the desire to prolong the times of closeness, physically, if possible
your smell that at first was so strange, your appearance that was not my usual type, but soon only desire: your body so delicate, thin, seductive the
smoothness of your skin, the perfect slender wrists, your neck, this confusing mixture of yours, the shyness, at the same time wildness, the intense presence and the feeling of you being far away while sitting next to me, your tenderness and also the detached egoism of someone who takes what she needs
until today I have not the slightest idea what you feel or think about me, yet I feel you so present on my inner radar
I feel I can sense you in the finest nuances and yet I could be so wrong about all this
my desire for being close to you, put in the room unanswered, without any reaction, until you suddenly kissed me at some point, in one of your impulses to take what you feel like and what you want
I have the desire to kiss you was all you said and you had me, I lost myself immediately in you
that’s a pattern I learned by now, that every time I might for second forget about you a bit, not counting on hearing from you or breaking free of the eternally carousel of thinking about you, you might eventually turn up and catch me back within the glimpse of a second - it’s horrible yet beautifully poetic
the familiarity of your touch, the eroticism in your gaze, the feeling of such fine intimacy without us actually knowing each other during this first kiss, shocking but how tender
at all delicate tenderness is what captures you best
I want to hold you, embed you, caress you, kiss your eye lids that you will then close, softly smiling, your silent sigh when your body relaxes under the breath of my touch and opens so vulnerable pure,
when I run my fingers through your hair, tighter on the back of your neck and feel your body surrender to me,
when you touch my face with your nose, your fingers timidly but purposefully touch my belly, your lips my neck, your tongue seeks mine and plays with it so gently so soft so long and more and more intense until I feel your body waking up and pressing against me, my thighs, I feel how wet you are and you start to completely embrace me, breath me in
and I breathe you and I feel how I don’t want to  be anywhere with anybody else but with you at this moment this merging of bodies and souls and fluids
the desire comes so deep in surges and covers everything and blinds my eyes and at the same time widens the view and we look at each other directly into the iris and touch us and I feel you smile while I form my lips around your tongue with closed eyes and gently get my fingers inside you