I Can't And Will Not

I can't and will not,
Stop doing my best to feel and believe...
That a happiness to have it,
Is an act of a habit selfishly kept to keep!

I have been told to hear it,
Much more than just once.
That a doing for others done to do first,
Benefits those who choose sacrifice...
Over selfish, self-serving,
Pleasure to please one's own appetite.
With a listening to this,
From pulpit dancing preachers.
To tenured and well paid,
College instructors.
Both knowing their ability to perform,
Maintains to deliver...
A captivated note taking audience.
Happily stripped away,
From a consciousness to pay...
For volunteering to donate their minds,
With a hope they will achieve assistance...
In the finding of a common sense,
Gone unused and long not recognized.

I can't and will not,
Start making excuses.
To attempt this done,
Also erases and cleans the slate...
Of every mistake I have made.

I live to learn and face the consequences.
Not so much from being bold and brave.
No.
There are times when exit signs,
Are placed where there are no doors.
And...
What kind of test is that?
And for who?

Regardless how nerve racking,
Those consequences I have faced to pay...
Caused me to boo-hoo as if,
I was auditioning...
For tear dropper of the year.
When there is nowhere to run,
Or quickly go to hide?
I'm not one too shy to cry.
And...
With snot running down from my nose.

That is why I can't and will not,
Let go of the happiness I have earned.
No!
It ain't about to happen no time soon.
And...
If there is nothing else I will ever learn?
About life and paths to walk upon.
I will have learned this...
Happiness to have it is not generic.
No!
It is a custom made fit.
Tailored to discover and find,
By the ones deserving of it.
As if born to wear it well!