Eccedentesiast

Eccedentesiant

I feel alone even when I am with them
Acceptance has been something I always wanted
Around with negative yet close people I lost my light
Is this what you get for being nice?
Fear of being judged lead to thousand of lies
Anxiety, stress were always high
Hatred, misunderstanding and lies unfurl like venom in my heart

Even with the people that I am closest to will never get to know what is behind this ball of light
Brightest smile hiding the deepest secrets, afraid to be vulnerable
In the fear of losing friendships, I lost myself  
The time when I was broken from inside, outside world never knew
I am trying to learn how to be happy again, to face my reality, I want to re learn how to live again

Sometimes I just ignore everything and pretend my life is perfect
Isn’t it amazing to be the happiest in the room from outside yet saddest from inside?
Guilt and hurt from my past still dances across my heart
Past keeps following me around
My biggest enemy is my past, my biggest fear is future, and my survival is present

I used to look for the positivity, but I am just starting to give up
In the search of relationships, and to keep everyone happy, I lost my happiness
I don’t even know who I am now
The only thing that got be through this year is my best friend, I smile when she does, I felt black, but she made me feel yellow again

She gave me a reason to look for positivity again, she made me feel alive again.
I love her so much that it hurts, but even she doesn’t know my deepest secrets
And that was the bittersweet truth of my life.