Ode to a Golf Ball

Oh! dimpled orb, upon your wooden stool,
Humbly I beseech thee, play me not the fool.
Let your fight be distant, turn neither left nor right,
To the middle of yon pasture, your servant to delight
With mashee I address you
With practised swing caress you
And grateful be, unless you
Come to rest in yonder bush

Oh! dimpled orb, within your bushy nest,
Sadly I implore thee, grant me one request.
Let my club head reach you with velocity enough,
To send you from this tangled web to landscapes not so rough.
With nibblick I will stroke you
So mightily I'll smote you
And gladly will I choke you
If you stop in yonder sand.

Oh! dimpled orb, to speckled sand ye flew
Gravely I entreat thee, make my wish come true!
Let my lofted weapon lift you from this mire,
And set you on yon grassy green, your servant to inspire.
With wedgie I will whack you,
Such a blow I'll smack you,
And rudely will attack you
If you plop in yonder stream.

Oh! dimple orb, plucked from icy stream
Tearfully I beg you, implement my scheme!
Let your wings of fancy pull you ever up,
Landing on yon grassy green, mere inches from the cup.
With spoonie I will send you
My spirits to commend you
And meanly will upend you
If you bound past yonder cup.

Oh dimpled orb, so distant from the cup,
Retchedly I ask thee, lift my spirits up.
Let my line be valid and give an honest roll,
And end your wayward journey at the bottom of the hole.
With putter I will knock you,
In loving hug will lock you,
And angrily will sock you,
If you stop short of the hole.

Oh! dimpled orb, so short you made your run,
Madly I command thee, let my will be done.
Get thee in yon darkened hole and leave as my reward,
The shame I feel in writting Double Bogey on my card.
So gently I'll finesse you
Then to my lips compress you
And surely wil distress you
If I triple putt this hole.

Oh! dimpled orb, you show me no remorse,
Lastly I demand thee, get me off this course.
Get thee in my golf bag, and let me find a way
To limp away and lick my wounds and play another day.
Someday I'll deceive you
Skillfully will cleave you
But never will I leave you
When we're having so much fun!