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I don't want it back



First day at work I met you for a few minutes,
Your laughter and your sparkling eyes left me fascinated and dreaming of more,
Next couple of months we ran into each other here and there
I’ve been waiting for a decade to ask the right girl out
You didn’t seem perfect, but girl you seemed right.

The night of our first date I felt like this wouldn’t last
But I gave it a chance, I wanted to see what it is like
To be with a woman for more than a night.
I told you I’d never lie to you and I never did
Except for the fact that I didn’t fall for you right from the start.

Over the next three months you’ve taught me intimacy, care and grit.
You were never one to open up about your feelings towards me
However you always said you wouldn’t be with me if there was nothing there.
Laughing, Cooking and spending time together were your love language.
I loved doing all those things with you and your kiss felt like you did so, too.

But your words hurt me sometimes,
Some things didn’t sit right with me.
You called me soft, retracted whenever I wanted to open up about true feelings.
It felt like addressing this would drive you away
So I told myself to stick it out and let it pass,
I wasn’t going to be a quitter before I’d gotten to know you well.

You opened up to me about your deepest secrets, your darkest fears
I started appreciating you more with every day
My feelings for you started to grow,
I started to see that you are a person with a heart of gold who had been hurt before.

You told me you were mine
And I couldn’t believe my luck
Having waited for such a long time
To be with a woman who took me for whom I was
And who made me jump over my own shadow.

You’ve always told me you knew what I felt for you without me having to tell you
But you grew worried about the time ahead
Work, School and Family were about to take up all of your time
So I told you not to worry,
We agreed we had started to build something special worth to preserve.

A few days later I drove to you having decided to hand you my heart
I finally opened up and told you I loved you
I was going to go with you through thick and thin
But you told me you didn’t feel the same
And send me home packing again.

You’ve told me you’ve been hurt before,
By family, friends and lovers,
You’ve grown into the toughest girl I’ve ever met,
Yet you could be so caring, show so much affection,
Even though you’d never tell me,
But I know that what I felt in our sweetest moments was love.

I don’t know whether you truly don’t love me because it’s not meant to be for us,
Or whether you’re just too scarred to let me into your heart
After you said you’d never love me I walked away,
But it pains me oh so hard,
Not knowing if I should have stayed
Begged and pleaded
But my pride got in the way.

I’ve always told you that you have to come to love me on your own,
I’d never hurt you, and give you all I that I can
Maybe what I have to offer simply isn’t enough
Or maybe you just decided that having felt the pain I feel now,
Was more than enough to never let anyone near you again.

Yet I’m so confused, what were those moments we had
What’s the difference between affection, care and love

Now we don’t speak anymore
We’ve become strangers again,
And it literally kills me
Seeing a girl I love and used to share everything with,
Now I don’t know anything about you anymore
A mere “hello” is all that we say
I’m ready to bear this wound,
Keep on living, heal my heart so that I can give it to the woman I’ll end up with,
But when I think of you, see you again,
It rips this wound wide open,
Seeing this beautiful stranger
Whom I used to know almost as well as I know myself.

I don’t want to become like you,
I mustn’t get a cold heart.
I want to love, give, care with all of my heart.
But my heart isn’t here,
Not as it used to be,
Because I don’t know,
Why you couldn’t give your heart to me.

I was shaken, but I also felt relief,
Those moments of doubt
Coming right back to me.
Maybe your decision to break it off so early was right,
But I would have been true to you until my last day.

Girl, you’ve taught me intimacy, care and grit,
I’ll always love you for that
You’ve given me balls of steel and a broken heart.

Nowadays we run into each other here and there
My chest pumping with both pride and pain
Having been with a woman who takes the world by storm
But knowing I’ll never feel your kiss again.

When I think of you today,
I remember those wonderful moments we had
And the fact that by leaving me
You’ve taught me about life, love and made me a better man.

You were the person I started to trust the most
I had not one secret from you
I told you that I loved you
I knew you didn’t feel the same way yet
But my hope was that I’d finally get closer to you
It hurt that you told me you didn’t feel the same,
Yet it was nothing like the pain I felt after you told me that this would never, ever change.

People tell me I should be glad,
That I should give my heart to somebody who’ll love me just the same,
But I gave my heart to you
And I don’t want it back.

About this poem

To the girl who broke my heart.

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Written on October 24, 2021

Submitted on October 24, 2021

5:04 min read
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    "I don't want it back" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 1 Dec. 2021. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/112700/i-don't-want-it-back>.

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