The Better Version Of Myself

There are times at night, in which I toss and turn
Minutes stretch to hours as my mind burns
The person I could be, the person I should be,
How different would she really be from me?

The question brings a distaste in my mouth,
But I can’t help going down this dreaded route.
I peek into the future’s eyes and see,
A woman who is a full shell of me.

She’s a woman who dawns her profession proud,
Stands tall and serious with her shoulders unbowed,
The confidence in what she is and does,
Leaves the people around her all abuzz.

She’s a woman whose cultured, a women that’s seen things,
Gone all around the world as if she’s sprout wings,
Eaten every food, seen every person,
Ask her a place she hasn’t gone, she'd be uncertain.

I look in closer, unwantedly drawn,
Because this woman is so much more beyond.

She’s a woman that’s hurt, that comes from me,
But she’s a woman that’s aged and free with glee.

The experiences that hold me bound,
She only sees as profound.

She loves herself more than anyone that loves her,
She doesn’t care about the past or who they were,
She has a husband that cares but more important,
She found a father who’d stay for his kids the warmest.

Looking in deeper and deeper still,
She’s found another thing I’ve yet to fulfill.

A hope in a God that brings her peace,
Something that gives her a good release.
She’d teach it to her children and hope it sticks,
Because it would show the culture it depicts.

She’s learned to control her inner thoughts,
Cutting negativity of all sorts.
Her morals and ethics are in good standing,
A reflection of her mind advancing.

Stepping out of the mind, and onto looks,
She immediately has got me hooked.

She’s got a body that’s strong, a body that’s healthy,
More so than any fad diet could sell me.
She’s got willpower, she’s got control,
In her mind's eye she can see her goal.

She runs, she lifts,
But even more so, she persists.
She knows what she wants and how to achieve,
Because all she needs to do is believe.

This woman, is she from the future?
If she is, I wish she’d come sooner.
This woman, is she from fantasy?
That or I’m considering insanity.

But as the night turns groggy
And my eyes shift closed,
I can only hope I’m going down that road.