As I sit here I wander in a daze.
Who I am, what I'm supposed to be and what's my normal these days?
I'm always worried about everyone else forgetting myself and my state.
Worried if they've eaten, are they hungry or if everything in their life is okay.
Feeling so alone in this world surrounded by so many.
Helping everyone else pick of the pieces of their life, while mine lay shattered and my soul so empty.
Questioning everything there is about that bullshit word called life.
Where we stand in this world and is it really worth the fight.
Day in and day out I teeter with the thought of life and death.
So sick of pain and heartache; sadly all I want to do is take my last breath.
Looking at my beautiful babies faces I haven't brought myself to say goodbye.
Telling myself I am a coward because they aren't enough for me not to want to die.
Everyone's always telling me how strong I am and how I can do this on my own.
Wishing they could walk a mile in my shoes and see what my reality is for me alone.
Stuck in a mind so jumbled all I want to do is escape.
Running from my demons and just pretending I am okay.
The pain, stress and anxiety continue to build as I'm drowning in my own technicality.
Does anyone really see my strain, my struggle, the sadness in my reality?
People walk past me on daily basis and just smile and wave.
Never knowing the pain and struggle I go through each and everyday.
It's the end and for so long I have been ready to leave this place I call home.
My dreams are shattered, my life in shambles; this world and my babies will be better when I am gone.
About this poem
This poem was when I was in my deepest darkest part of my life. I was in the middle of addiction. At this time in my life rock bottom looked like Mansion from where my life was at and where it was heading. I wanted to submit this one because as dark as it seems, my life is the light that shinned through. This poem is my reminder of where I came from and that my life isn't over and I can make it.
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