In to the darkness

A Darkness cuts into my eyes. I see a light again, but behind the light there is more darkness. Behind the light there is death. i follow, my body accepts it. My heart wants to stop beating, it longs for death. I am alive, but i am not alive, i dream with my eyes open..I feel worthless unsuccessful, as if i am hanging from a cliff. i hold someone's hand, someone holds my hand. but  i want to Let go, no one needs to fight for me, im useless trash so don't try to pull me up. Everyone knows i will plunge down to the depth of sorrow, i want to soar to the sky. there is no other way. you will feel so much better but you will feel anger, you will feel betrayed. for you, i want to ask for forgiveness, I'm sorry i am so weak.
I feel betrayed by myself. i feel like my life is pointless there is so much darkness with in me. my heart is crumbling my smile is fake its breaking, im so sorry but i just want to rest. my heart wants to live but i cannnot if feels like chains wrapped around my heart and throat. I am to weak and i have to give up, i have stopped caring I can't stop the tears from coming. i feel blind, confused and lost in myself. can't find my place in this dark world any longer, can't find myself anymore. I want to end it all it hurts to much for me to bear my heart is being ripped out of me, i can gather all the tablets needed. i wonder what will  happen, but i am sad about having to hurt my loved ones. you will get to feel anger hatred,  that's okay. its understandable you all will over come the grief and i will slowly fade from your memories. please forgive me but my heart is weak im sorry i hurt you all