"She's in, her way"

She- is- in -her -way
A simple statement
That seares through my soul in an unapologetic way
disregarded
With her head down
 This doesn't stop the delivery
 meaning surfaced.
 Eventually a brief explanation.
An outward appearance of mental anguish.
It’s known
withdrawn
Avoidant of  phone calls
Tearful
"Not that again"
Your tears are insignificant
Toughen it up
Defensive you are
Listen
 “Every day” is a challenge
Attempting to defeat these battles internally.
 against the pain, heartaches and, sorrow
 within
 There are times
I'm exhausted
 Being happy
Is a challenge
Many times
 a
Smile
Just for you
Agreeable to prevent
Your frustration
Understood
Her feelings
HUSH
A robot
left
right
up
down
Cry don't cry
laugh
Smile not now
strength
Be
strong
Don't be strong
eventually
talk
Don't talk
And now
rest
Don't rest
please
stop
 I
Need a mental break.
I'm overwhelmed
And lastly

She's
still
in
Her
way

I'd tell them that being happy has become my job each day
Many times
I paint a
Smile
On
My Face
Just, for you all
I’d
tell them that
I  feel alone within
I'd tell them that at times I either eat too much
Or nothing at all
I’d tell them
That my bark is MUCH harder than my bite
I'd tell them that I feel detached from the world
And
That I don't feel
I will ever regain the ability to be in a loving relationship
Or view the world through the same lens
Because of all that I have experienced
I'd tell them that by the end of the day
I fantasize what life would be like without
The baggage
Weighing me down
I'd tell them that the easy tasks are difficult To complete
I'd tell them that at times my heart
Races Non-stop
And other times
It quivers, from the pain within my soul
I'd tell them that I spend time wondering why my father doesn't
Love me, as I was told by a relative.
And if maybe I just wasn't what he wanted
I'd tell them that I force naps to escape my thoughts.
And in closing
I’d say
When you think to say she's in her way
Just know that what you see
Is the result of me fighting for a better day?
Here we are yet again. A different day facing the same obstacles yet. What shall I call it! Another day. My spirituality keeps me grounded IN SOME WAY.
This seems to be an unending cycle of ATTEMPTS AT self-improvement and some point transcendence. I've learned to redirect myself when I'm faced with these difficult moments.
By writing and it shall be
The next obstacle is should I share my experiences with the world?
Under continuous reconstruction?
Or should I keep this to myself?
AND BATTLE ALONE
Because from the looks of it
My environment is unable to handle
My daily
Rollercoaster ride to nowhere

And still,
 I continue to be in my way