Habits of my heart

This is the end.

The end of me scrounging through the last bits of my dignity, trying to find reason to hold grasp of you.

The end of search; for reason to appeal to your everlasting, intense, negative masculinity.

This is the last time I attempt to reason with the endless anger that lives within you.

I no longer possess the ongoing eagerness to try and make you see the truth.

This trial is turning out to be a fruitless pursuit.

Uncertainty is certainly a component in the conflicted sentiment I am beginning to acquire.

Your lack of action or words to oppose this, is how I 'conclude' you have no desire.

See, when I reflect on the commotion in my mind; stirred up from wanting to define.

I now have this longing for the end.

The end is what I have been running from, there is a tunnel I was walking toward the light in for so long, turning my back to the darkness.

The depth in the dark seemed so scary.

Being alone and without you was never my objective.
My back is not turned anymore, and I am starting to accept it.

Because what I am beginning to learn is, there should not be any objectives.

The only motives I want to pursue are the ones that allow me to continue loving you.

Now this is where emotions and logic get tricky.

Loving you is the craving to help you achieve happiness.

The path I am currently inhabiting is not attaining that goal.

All of this has been a beautiful disaster. I have had the best time, having the worse time with you.