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The diary of a yandere

(As far as I can remember....
there was always something in me missing.
I was hollow, dark, cold, fearless of death.
Though, on the outside I was a shining star.
I had the highest grades and was popular.
Despite that, I was like a machine without an engine.
A human without a heart burning with passion.
What was I missing? Someone to love.
To obsess over, to care for, to think about.
But due to my broken, twisted past, I was different.
All of that came out to the top of me one day.)

The first time I saw the man of my dreams,
was also the last time I saw my purity.
It changed my life, split it into two streams.
One was loved, while the other sank into obscurity.

The nice half, the "dere" in me, was blooming with joy,
enjoying the wonders of love, which he brought to me.
The second half, the "yan" in me, was there to destroy,
being like a secret tool to fix all problems, which faced we.

While my other side made cookies and dated her boy,
the dark in me eliminated the problems, which bothered him.
I could get away with murders, since the good me was a decoy.
Who would suspect the best female student of severing a limb?

First it was the class bully, who threatened my boy with his fist.
After school I waited for the bully, to give him what he deserved.
I threatened him to stop with the threats, but he would persist.
I let my anger out, I beat him with a bat, until his back curved.

I blanked out for that time, only seeing the aftermath of my action.
The bully couldn't move and he wouldn't be a problem anymore.
I ran away from the scene to my house. I felt huge satisfaction.
My love wouldn't have to fear him. The bully was done for.

Apparently the next day, the boy I loved nearly died.
The bully bribed a drunkie to hurt him, stab him in the chest.
Something greater in me sparked... pushed everything aside.
"Kill.... kill.... kill...." my mind was filled with murder, I couldn't rest.

I immediately stalked out the drunkie and then again... I did it.
I don't remember how, but before me now laid a man with stabs ten.
Breathing heavily with a smile, I stared at the corpse, which I slit.
I was... happy, giggling along my way home, stained with blood again.

As soon as I could I visited my boy in the hospital, where he laid.
His innocent pure hands touched the evil hands of a killer.
I heard the bully's sister was in the hospital too. So I brought a blade.
I headed to her. Murder her and the bully would fall like a tall pillar.

She must have been really young, but did I care? Pffft... no.
After a car crash she ended here. Never minding that, I pressed on.
Her life support soon turned to a flat line, her heart let go.
I took pictures for the bully, as at another corpse I looked upon.

This... kept on happening. Hurting others, when they got too close.
Though... I suppose karma caught up to me. He found out.
It had to be done... I took him to my basement, giving him a sleeping dose.
I had to... change him. Make him... get used to my murderous route.

I made him watch several murders and the torment I made.
With each kill, another chunk of his innocence was gone.
It took 8 people, to turn him into the similar side, into a dark shade.
But his smile was no more. He lived with me like a mere blind pawn.

(My fault right? All of this was?
That he ended up losing his joy
A broken girl shouldn't get love?
Does everyone deserve to be happy?
If he wouldn't find out, I would... be complete
But it isn't my fault.... no... it is your's
You would only judge and take me as insane.
You never could look behind the scenes
See how it was before.
Perhaps then, you'd change your mind
But go ahead, take me as a serial killer
Put me down
In the next life, he would, surely... be all mine.)
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Written on July 17, 2021

Submitted by L.L.Lilith on July 17, 2021

3:40 min read
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    "The diary of a yandere" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 22 Sep. 2021. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/105168/the-diary-of-a-yandere>.

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