Responses Never Heard On TV

Black people are never asked,
Questions like these from journalists.
To see reported on the evening news.

1) Have you felt inspired and motivated,
   By those of other races?
   Who are given forums to complain.
   About everything?
   From breaking a fingernail.
   To ingrown toenails?

2) After all the B.S. you people,
    Have been through to tolerate.
    What do you use on your skin?
    To keep it looking,
    So smooth and youthful?

And my favorite:

3) Come on. Be honest. Give it to us,
    Straight.
    From the horse's mouth.
    To our viewers eyes and ears.
    Many, I have been told,
    Have been demanding we ask.
    Here goes:
    Is there a beach you people,
    Secretly keep secret...
    Amongst yourselves.
    You all know.
    That keeps your colorful tan,
    Looking...
    If you don't mind me saying this.
    Looking so supple and wrinkle free.
    Season after season.
    Year after year.
    With all that pain, agony and suffering,
    You folks sing about.
    In those joyfully delivered gospel songs!
    Do you have a response for us?

'Of course!
Are you out of your...
**##×#@ MIND.
Who in the **#@!!*XXX do you think I am.
Some kind of mf@#n fn### a..hole?'
I happen to have a degree in divinity.
And I have always lived,
In a suburban neighborhood.
Both of my parents are retired,
College professors.
And I was raised,
To stay dignified and respectful.
Regardless of the circumstances.'

'I see.
Such a direct and spirited response.
We might have to edit it a bit.
Hope you don't mind?'

'Not at all.
May I wave?
I have always wanted to be on TV!