Self Love

Self-love I am 12 years old and he is my stepfather
My legs feel sticky like they’re on a leather seat in a car on hot summer day
My eyes are clenched shut why doesn’t he just go away
Self love he touched me in parts too private to mention
I told my mom and she said sit down little girl you just want attention
Self Love where are you? This secret that I must hold
I am only 12 years old.

Self love I am 19 years old and in love with him
Highschool sweethearts but our future looked grim
He said if I get rid of the baby it would all be better
That we could be together
Self-love, that’s what he said. He said that!
So I had the abortion so he could join a frat
Oh but he left me here to deal with our choice alone
Self love where are you? This is heavy and I am only 19 years old.

Self-love, it’s my birthday, I’m 23
They slipped something into my Long Island iced tea
I woke up in my own home and they were there
And I felt pain everywhere
Self-love where are you?
The police are here doubting my truth
I don’t understand why does it matter that my bra and panties were the same shade of grape
When it was clearly a rape
Confused, I let the case go cold
Self love this is scary and I am only 23 years old

Self-love, Im 28 and married with kids
I’ve spent four years living with swollen eyelids
I’m too stupid to run, rebel or resist
And my life is basically pointless
I spend everyday waiting to die
Either at his hand or my
Self love, do you even exist?
I am only 28 years old staring into an abyss

Self love I’m 38 years old
I finally see you, you shine bright and bold and beautiful
I feel you, I’m in awe of you, of me, of us, of you
But Self-love why did take you so long to come for me?
To set my tortured soul free?
I was in this place and it was dark and cold
And it was dark and it was cold
Now I’m 38 years old,
Love….. it’s too late to try

Self love turned and whispered “A Caterpillar must cocoon to become a butterfly.”