Trying To Die

The burdens I bore
left me without air
my brother who said he loved me
in truth, didn't care.

Mind games controlled me
to the point of insanity
desperation soon consumed me
met with calamity.

Pills & booze
I took & consumed so many
multiples of all
reaching for eternity.

Black wings were beating
death was near
instead I was brought back
back to despair.

Cousin showed up
like a thief in the night
came to steal me away
rescuing me from plight.

Malady continued
oh, my cousin was worse
blamed & punished for everything
scapegoat dying of thirst.

Desperate to get away
so desperate to flee
trapped in a tiny house
where no one could see.

Begging for help
from any one I see
seeing nothing but backs
being turned to me.

Cousin evicted
we all gotta go
moving to a new place
where I dunno.

Found a mobile home
back in Indy
I might just stand a chance
a possible victory?

Two weeks went by
then suddenly, homeless I was
tossed out into the streets
losing everything I loved.

I have no possessions
none of my stuff
in a convent homeless shelter
a shell of who & what I was.

A new home obtained
still struggling to breathe
trying to restore some life
no time to sit & grieve.

Once trying to die
now trying to live
struggling & fighting the world
what more can I give?!

Determined to make it
determined to be
though it's just me against the world
we'll all just have to wait & see.