Bulllying

BULLYING

Fear is an obstacle that I try to avoid but often cannot
Unwanted aggressive behavior thrust upon me so young
Innocence was stolen by a burdened soul so troubled
Observed or perceived power imbalance felt
Repetition of bullying behaviors over and over again she cannot stop
My skin feels hot, my mind is racing, my face is flushed
My tears I hold back in defiance and anger
I fear the harassment, the verbal assaults, are coming
Where can I hide where can I go
No matter where I look, she will find me
Sweat dripping off my nose as I hide behind the jungle gym
I can feel the heat beating down on the back of my backpack
I hear her voice echoing in the distance, welcoming me out of where I am hiding
Come join us she says, everything will be okay, just come out
Slowly I begin to hear the ranting of her voice, words ripping my armor off
Trying to get at my soul, trying to tarnish all the goodness inside
Tears cascade down my face almost reaching my feet
It is part of the manipulation of the bully
Repetition of behavior, day after day
A glare in class, a shove in the halls, being slammed into my wall locker
Whether I am at school or at home I cannot escape
Because I know she is out there, she will be there tomorrow and the day after
Bullies bullying even though they have been bullied themselves
Repeating the cycle over and over again for generations
The effects carry on into adulthood
The memory fresh this morning as I pack my backpack for school
I do not want to go; how can I tell someone my soul is dying
The core of who I am chipped away day after day
There is no one single profile, they just look for weakness
I was the new kid in school, the one no one knew
Bullies target weaker people that cannot fight back
Bullies target something or someone they do not know or understand
Bullies often target those they are jealous of or that make them feel uncomfortable
Bullying affects more than the victim it can affect families
Please do not hurt me anymore I cannot take it
I gave up my friends to come to this school and I am scared enough
Bullying keeps other people in line, keep others fears at bay
Bullying is all about the bully getting out their anger, fear, and aggression on another person.
Bullies carry on a never-ending cycle of abuse from their abuser to their target, like me
I tell myself I will not do what has been done to me to another
I will not repeat the cycle of becoming bully myself
I will never forget how it felt to be singled out, I am in 5th grade
So many have said the same thing yet never stuck to it
Bullies can create bullies and I will not give them that power
Bullies single out and isolate their target from others so that they can control them.
I must have appeared weak I must have looked like a target
Even though I am in 5th grade and unfamiliar with why this is happening
I understand the pain I feel from not having any friends
I sit alone as I watch my bully gather the class to play without me
I feel the pain of being the odd one out because I was the new kid from California
Bullies will try to get others to join in on the abuse sometimes, I had witnesses
Yet my witnesses never came forward, never stood at my side
Kids on the sidelines cheering on, happy it is not them at the center of the bullies’ eye
Bullies have the ability to influence other people’s perception of them
My bully convinced spectators I was just an outsider
I begin to believe I deserve this, that what they say about me must be true
Everyone was quiet when I was bullied as if they were also scared or inline
Bullies can convince their targets they deserve to be treated poorly.
I felt I must have deserved this, I am an outcast, someone who will never fit in
I hide out at my house making sure to stay away from anyone who can see me
Bullies can leave a lifetime of invisible scars that feel visible to the person bullied
I am 53 now and can remember those times as if they were yesterday
I became a survivor, not a victim, and not a future bully
But even as a teenager my mother felt I should just get over it
Did I tell you; my parents are good friends with her parents?
Move on Marleen, that was years ago, just let it go
So, I asked mom, how do you still feel about when your sister bullied you
Are you over it, do you still think about it, you just told me last week you still remember?
I choose to forgive and let go but I cannot erase the memories
Bullies can leave scars that no one sees or understands
I am 53, I still remember as if it were yesterday
I never became a bully, but I dragged that memory with me
A reminder of how cruel a gesture, a comment, or a glance can be
To someone who may be having a tough time or who is new
I try to remind myself of what it feels like to be the one on the outside
I try to remember to uplift a soul, harmonize a conversation, sing a praise
I try to bring joy and happiness to those who may feel as I once did