Rue Morgue Boulevard

Pearl-inlaid bayonet bidets
On high deaf TV sets
Bed-and-breakfast warriors
Burning babies' bassinets
While redneck hipsters snort away
The Mason-Dixon Line
Armchair feminist guerillas
Replace the fuses in their minds
Bouffant Boys are all the rage
Search the walk of fame for stars
Peacock feathered pasties painted
On Rue Morgue Boulevard

Fish egg elites discuss swordfish
On sterling silver serving trays
Choose confusion from the menus
A different costume every day
Wardrobe will accomodate
Anxiety spray for those tears
On Chinese calendars in the Year
Of the Stuttering Puppeteer
So watch your step and mind your feet
It's sleeting demon shards
Of bureaucratic papercuts
On Rue Morgue Boulevard

Celebrity deathmatch coming soon
On the papal balcony
Billy Shakespeare and Bobby Dylan
Pay-per-view on MTV
Trombone fishbones and all that jazz
Hoop skirts blown up to Holy See
From the hostess with the mostest
Jennifer Jeanith Tiffany
Don't delay, enter the sweepstakes
It's a fifty-dollar card
You can watch for free from your living room
On Rue Morgue Boulevard

Best build a fire under Baby
Don't wanna miss the matinee
Chun King and his Muppet Monkey
At the all-you-can-tolerate buffet
If you're lookin for some sparkle
For that calliope charade
You can snort it off the tip
Of my dazzling display
And you can call it duck duck goose
When you find your own canard
Shooting mallards at the galleries
On Rue Morgue Boulevard

Joan of Arkansas is a virgin
Purity is capital sin
They fitted her with backpack bombs
And flew a couple envoys in
Molly cries for Crystal
Says they bad-rapped Crystal's name
Tears disappear so fluidly
As St. Joan's stake goes up in claims
So burn a wick for Mommy
She's taking it too hard
And leave her in the alley
Behind Rue Morgue Boulevard

Esmerelda is a waitress
Dances in the Tower
At the Naked Notre Dame Cafe
Exclusive showings after hours
Should courage of shadows convict
Ah, the stories gypsy sheets could tell
Yet not a solitary word is heard
Unstifled by cathedral bells
She strips for party favors
And tips from hunchback tower guards
Up in the Sanctuary Room
On Rue Morgue Boulevard

Little Orphan Annie's body
Was discovered in the reeds today
Battered, bruised and bloodied
On the banks of Biscayne Bay
And Einstein, he's a fugitive
Lookin for a place to hide
Frankenstein's out in the lab
Fryin him up a gourmet bride
The doctor's theory MC squared
Quadrupled in the children charred
Relatively speaking ran amuck
On Rue Morgue Boulevard

Lizzie Borden at the dais
Runs a slick campaign
Healthcare for the elderly
Magic bullets for chronic pain
While the Muttering Messiah
Brings his military pax
Comrade Borden's sterile scalpel
Takes on the image of the ax
Granny didn't feel so good
About social insecurity cards
But she's in a better place now
Down on Rue Morgue Boulevard

The Governor came to visit
In his bulletproof limousine
He's promoting public safety
But we know what he really means
His adorings throngs of homeless
Cheer him from across the moat
The Stuttering Savior's sacrifice
Ensures that they get out the vote
While crocodile swordsmen keep
Disposable instruction cards
Haul rabble-rousing rubble down
To Rue Morgue Boulevard

The Vagina Hats are leaking
And they're causing quite a stink
The Senators are flocking round
To buy the douchebags all a drink
One made his bank with Indonesian
Tampons sold at discount rate
The other owns a backhoe
Digging mass graves on the interstate
You'd think there'd be a fresher scent
Where testosterone is barred
And the leakage all is discharged
Down on Rue Morgue Boulevard

Now the tour buses have arrived
In strict calligraphy
Red-eyed fiery priestesses
Ravage cross a savage knee
Their moonlight operetta
Played out through the nose
Pennywhistle tap tunes
Tapped with a rubber hose
The tourists with their cameras
Wander through the boneyard
Memorizing names on tombstones
Down on Rue Morgue Boulevard

Yes, I know my hair is matted
And these holy teeth are cracked
In my custom fitted jacket
With my arms behind my back
So you ask me what I'm doing here
In this wilderness of drains
A ragged ancient jester
An orphan in the rain
A hundred million empty graves
Cough up their battle scars
Where nobody is left to save
On Rue Morgue Boulevard

 © John Kennan 1-26-20