Stuck

I love them.
They hate me.
I want them.
They placate me.
I'm happy.
But, oh so sad.
I'm manic.
But, oh so depressed.
I'm obnoxious.
Quiet fury.
Rage-full.
Bitter.
Full of inquiry.

An old soul.
A new life.
A battered girl.
An embattled wife.
A broken mother,
Who tried her best.
Like no other.
Just like the rest.
She cries,
With laughter.
Only she knows
What she's after.

Even that is fleeting.
Of that we're certain.
She opens the door,
And closes the curtains.
A million nights pass her by.
Too consumed with what's in the sky.
She can't forget.
She's so filled with regret.
Weakened heart.
Weakened will.
The race must start.
But she's standing still.