Analysis of An Election Ballad



As I sate down to breakfast in state,
At my living of Tithing-cum-Boring,
With Betty beside me to wait,
Came a rap that almost beat the door in.
I laid down my basin of tea,
And Betty ceased spreading the toast,
"As sure as a gun, sir," said she,
"That must be the knock of the post."

A letter--and free--bring it here--
I have no correspondent who franks.
No! Yes! Can it be? Why, my dear,
'Tis our glorious, our Protestant Bankes.
"Dear sir, as I know you desire
That the Church should receive due protection,
I humbly presume to require
Your aid at the Cambridge election.

"It has lately been brought to my knowledge,
That the Ministers fully design
To suppress each cathedral and college,
And eject every learned divine.
To assist this detestable scheme
Three nuncios from Rome are come over;
They left Calais on Monday by steam,
And landed to dinner at Dover.

"An army of grim Cordeliers,
Well furnished with relics and vermin,
Will follow, Lord Westmoreland fears,
To effect what their chiefs may determine.
Lollard's bower, good authorities say,
Is again fitting up for a prison;
And a wood-merchant told me to-day
'Tis a wonder how faggots have risen.

"The finance scheme of Canning contains
A new Easter-offering tax;
And he means to devote all the gains
To a bounty on thumb-screws and racks.
Your living, so neat and compact--
Pray, don't let the news give you pain!--
Is promised, I know for a fact,
To an olive-faced Padre from Spain."

I read, and I felt my heart bleed,
Sore wounded with horror and pity;
So I flew, with all possible speed,
To our Protestant champion's committee.
True gentlemen, kind and well-bred!
No fleering! no distance! no scorn!
They asked after my wife who is dead,
And my children who never were born.

They then, like high-principled Tories,
Called our Sovereign unjust and unsteady,
And assailed him with scandalous stories,
Till the coach for the voters was ready.
That coach might be well called a casket
Of learning and brotherly love:
There were parsons in boot and in basket;
There were parsons below and above.

There were Sneaker and Griper, a pair
Who stick to Lord Mulesby like leeches;
A smug chaplain of plausible air,
Who writes my Lord Goslingham's speeches.
Dr Buzz, who alone is a host,
Who, with arguments weighty as lead,
Proves six times a week in the Post
That flesh somehow differs from bread.

Dr Nimrod, whose orthodox toes
Are seldom withdrawn from the stirrup;
Dr Humdrum, whose eloquence flows,
Like droppings of sweet poppy syrup;
Dr Rosygill puffing and fanning,
And wiping away perspiration;
Dr Humbug who proved Mr Canning
The beast in St John's Revelation.

A layman can scarce form a notion
Of our wonderful talk on the road;
Of the learning, the wit, and devotion,
Which almost each syllable showed:
Why divided allegiance agrees
So ill with our free constitution;
How Catholics swear as they please,
In hope of the priest's absolution;

How the Bishop of Norwich had bartered
His faith for a legate's commission;
How Lyndhurst, afraid to be martyr'd,
Had stooped to a base coalition;
How Papists are cased from compassion
By bigotry, stronger than steel;
How burning would soon come in fashion,
And how very bad it must feel.

We were all so much touched and excited
By a subject so direly sublime,
That the rules of politeness were slighted,
And we all of us talked at a time;
And in tones, which each moment grew louder,
Told how we should dress for the show,
And where we should fasten the powder,
And if we should bellow or no.

Thus from subject to subject we ran,
And the journey passed pleasantly o'er,
Till at last Dr Humdrum began;
From that time I remember no more.
At Ware he commenced his prelection,
In the dullest of clerical drones;
And when next I regained recollection
We were rambling o'er Trumpington stones.


Scheme ABACDEDE XFXFGHGH XIXIJGJG FCXHKHKH LMLMNONO PDPDQRQR SDSDTUTU VXVXEQEQ WXWXBHBH HYHYSHSH ZHZHH1 H1 X2 X2 G3 G3 4 G4 XC5 H5
Poetic Form
Metre 111111001 1110110110 11001111 101111010 11111011 01011001 11101111 11101101 01001111 11101011 11111111 110100101001 111111010 1011011010 11001110 111010010 1110111110 101001001 1011010010 001100101 101111 11111110 110111011 010110110 110111 110110010 11010101 1011111010 110101001 1011011010 001101111 101011110 001111001 01101001 011101101 101011101 11011010 11101111 11011101 11101111 11011111 110110010 111111001 110100100010 11001011 1111011 111011111 011011001 111110010 11010010010 0011110010 1011010110 111111010 11001001 1010010010 101001001 10100101 11111110 011011001 1111110 11101101 111001011 11101001 1111011 1101101 110011010 1111001 110111010 1110010 01001010 11111010 01011010 010111010 1101001101 1010010010 1111001 101001001 111101010 1101111 01101010 1010110110 11101010 110011110 11101010 11111010 11001011 110111010 01101111 1011110010 10011101 1011010010 011111101 0011110110 11111101 011110010 01111011 110110111 0010110010 1111101 111101011 1110111 001011001 011101010 10101011
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 3,803
Words 670
Sentences 31
Stanzas 13
Stanza Lengths 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8
Lines Amount 104
Letters per line (avg) 29
Words per line (avg) 6
Letters per stanza (avg) 229
Words per stanza (avg) 51
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Submitted on May 13, 2011

Modified on April 04, 2023

3:23 min read
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