Analysis of suicidal thoughts

I was gonna kill myself but I didn't want to its not that i didn't want to I thought about the people that would cry if I died now then I thought about the shit I could've lost too Kayla quit talking like that that's not the way you talk anything you need I got you but its funny that you say that cause every time I'm feeling down I look around and there's no one to talk to I really wanna complain there's some shit I'm going through that just fucks with my brain I don't know what to say I mean I try to stay strong but by the end of the day I feel like I'm riding alone that's why I'm tryna write these songs to say how I feel I have thoughts of suicide, overdosing when I'm touching a knife and taking these pills I feel like I'm in a dream but I'm awake and its real like I wanna be helped but I'm afraid to be healed.