Gary Liles

Bushey, Herts, UK

Born 1st. November 1961 in Bushey, Watford, Herts. Served 14 years in the Royal Air Force during which time I visited Germany, Belgium, Holland, Cyprus, Falkland Islands, Ascension Islands, Africa, Egypt and Israel. I have two children by my first wife: James Anthony and Sophie Marie and Samantha Jayne by my current wife Karen. I have written over 100 poems, some funny, some from the heart and mind, some inspirational and some ludicrous. The ideas that I do not pull out of thin air are from the observation of all things around me and the observation of other people. Enjoy!

Dirty Baby

I put baby out in the garden
She gets all covered in dirt
I pick her up and bring her in
And now it's all over my shirt
She's not happy unless she's covered
From head down to her toes
But where does she get so much dirt from
The Lord only knows
If I put her out in her play pen
She would find some dirt to use
And if no dirt was available
She would mess about with her poohs

Out Late

If I come home too late at night
I get hit on the head with a pan
So now when I go out at night
I stay out as long as I can
To deny the pain of the pan handle
Smashing me in the face
I drink excessive amounts of alcohol
And come home a total disgrace
This all makes life easier
As my wife is loud ugly and fat
Sometimes when I come home too late
I prefer to bed down with the cat
Now it's not very easy sleeping
With pussy in your face all night long
But I ask you which is easier
Sleeping with pussy or the wife of King Kong?

Strange

Some people think that I am quite mad
And some say I am insane
Just because I eat pretty flowers
And make noises like a train
But it is much worse than that
The daffodils are shouting at me
And sometimes when I am not looking
My house is a bumble bee
Do you think I am a nutter
And that I am stranger than strange?
Or do you think that I am a little misguided
And that my brain I should re-arrange?
I am not shy of these things
And I am not scared of them neither
Because much worse than this
My tree thinks she's Lady Godiva
Now Lady Godiva went around in the nude
I am not as bad as her I cover myself in food