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Im feeling cold and im feeling hot
I can't seem to connect the dots
Sometimes a little really means alot
Wish I could I have just one more shot
Beneath the surface I am the surface
Why am I here and what is my purpose
With all these tiny dots in the way
Will they go or are they here to stay
I can read your lips and in between the lines
But the fine print is to hard to find
The voices in my head have there own mind
Some of the words are too hard to define
Im not in a rush so please don't rush me
You can come close but please don't touch me
A promise is a comfort to a fool
My words my bond and I won't promise you

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You weren't trapped-but comfortable in your own confinement  
Knees tucked in it was a comfortable alignment  
Comfortable in your environment-you saw no means of a fault  
Until there's a whole in the wall and reality pours in  
So used of the silence of you being the only one in your world- you cried teardrops stained by life  
You've been born into a world where nobody knows you- yet everyone has expectations for you already.  
They didn't ask if you were ready before they pushed out of the deep end into an empty pool with nothing connected to support you.  
You weren't over the moon with the circumstances in the Mother. Land.   
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Happy birthday to two of my beautiful daughters Elisabeth and Jessica
I love you more then you could know.
The joy in my heart should be enough to show.
... continued
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Long Time Neighbors
 
... continued
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                                          "In The Twilight Hours"

        The best time to get what you want from me is in the twilight hours. This is when I am willing to satisfy the most hopeless individuals who are desperate for honesty. This is when my mind is most clear & ready to seize any discernments that life has to give.
... continued
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I never dreamed that you would hurt me
You said you was my friend
I grew in time to love you
... continued
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House on the hill, run of the mill
Is that how ya still feel?
Picket fences, friendly pretenses
... continued
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How do I describe the damage you've caused? 
How do I explain that is a thousand times harder to become a loving man if you caused-damaging thoughts to manage the course of a child's life? 
It's your child right? 
But you banish the thought. And then- 
d*mn it off course ran him off course with- memories of banging on walls and slamming on doors. 
Trap him in a world full of hate and aggression with his dad as the source. 
That's how to ensure that-growing up he won't know but began to endorse more malice of course. Round of applause when I was four.. 
When u put me in the frolery section. 
Decided I wasn't even worth your time let alone love and affection. 
And that creates a void. 
Which is something that you only once forgot 
So I filled it with the olders on the block.. 
They told me use a gun as protection.. 
Your a youngin so u don't get to run any questions. 
But know that if I bang for you then we're family but if a man tries it with you we ain't gonna forget them. 
See when I was a kid-you ignored your cue to cope. 
Affectively rejected me and that became usual. 
Respected Gs accepted me let me in the crew so 
I gave them the new role 
I craved their approval. 
No mans an island. We all need a helping hand to stay afloat 
I may have hung myself, but u handed me the rope. 
Now don't get me twisted. I'm not trying to say that I didn't mess up. 
With the choices that I've made and claimed that I was set up. 
I'm saying you had a role and your didn't play it right. 
So instead of learning to live.. Your son was trying to stay alive. 
No man's an island, we all need a helping hand to stay afloat. 
I may have hung myself but u handed me the rope.   
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